Welcome to the first installment of Motivation Monday.
I think the first thing that needs to be done is to give an introduction to myself. I keep forgetting that for most of my life I have kept a “mask” on most of the time or I’ve portrayed a “character” to help hide any insecurities that I’ve had. That it is nearly impossible to take somebody seriously or as a credible source for inspiration or motivation unless you know the real person.
I have been a life long fan of professional wrestling so for most of my life I have always felt a need to portray a character… put on a mask… put a “title” on myself.
Over the years, I’ve been:
- “Big Daddy” (Senior Year of High School nickname given to me by some of the Color Guard Girls in Marching Band)
- “Bass Man” (when nobody knew my name and just knew me as “That guy that played bass”)
- “Klown” (Fraternity nickname. When we would put on a Haunted House for the Boys & Girls Club in town I always portrayed the psychopathic klown who escaped the asylum and kidnapped little kids. I can still do the klown laugh that scared the crap out of them)
- “Alpha Male” (one that I still go back to from time to time. When I was a Team Leader at a DirecTV Call Center my team name was the Wolfpac and I was the Alpha Male)
I’ve had more nicknames than this, but these were the “characters” I would try to hide behind. These were the people that I wish I was instead of who I was. All I needed was pyrotechnics and an entrance theme when I walked in to a room. During the times I was these characters, I was satisfied to be just them.
Do you know who I am?
My name is Isaac Lee Morgan. I am 30 years old and married. I have had a lot of experiences growing up that have helped shape me in to I am today. At times I’ve lived my life as someone else instead of me. I have a vivid imagination. However I didn’t know how to put in the work. I hid behind these characters to help avoid the villains that I faced.
Here are the main villains that have chipped away at me for most of my life.
One villain that I have been plagued by is bullies. For most of my life I have dealt with bullies in one way or another. As a kid and trying to play sports, I would have rocks thrown at me during tee-ball. In basketball, although my coach told me I was good, I was constantly told by other team mates how much I sucked and they hated having me on the team and I was the reason they lost. Bullies didn’t leave me alone as I got older, I dealt with cyber-bullying then. I’ve had a website dedicated to me titled “Say No to Big Daddy” where people posted about how “Needy” I was and creepy. The main image was one of my senior pictures with an X through it. In college, I’ve had people hack instant message names I’ve had and harass my friends and my girlfriend (now wife).. all in an effort to bring me down and I let it most of the time. I always wished that I had the strength and courage to stand up against these bullies and prayed that one day I would.
Another villain was domestic violence.
I, thankfully, have not been directly involved in domestic violence situations but I have been close to them. As a child, I can still remember the sounds of one of my family members being beat by her drunk husband as I stood outside of her home unable to do anything. I would imagine being strong enough and tough enough to kick in the door and make him feel as scared and as helpless as he made her feel. I’ve heard stories of other family members going through similar situations and thankfully they all ended before somebody lost their life… these events all started with a “Drunk husband” and ended with the wife finally saying “enough is enough” and defending herself. These events, as a child, helped define the aspect of my life that I would never use my strength against a woman. A man does not hit a woman was engraved in me from an early age. My father also taught me that if he ever heard that I had started a fight, that he would finish it.
In addition to these villains, add on the weight villain that I speak about a lot. I could understand why I was a stress eater and suffered from depression. I constantly got it from both directions: “you’re a great guy Isaac/You’re a Loser Isaac,” “You’ll make it big one day/you’ll never be anything.”
I guess I didn’t seem to care because I didn’t have high hopes for me. Nobody in my family had gone to a 4 year college. Nobody had “made a name for themselves”. The only legacy that was passed on was a name. So in my mind I had chosen to continue on the path that history had created. This continued through all of high school and part of college.
In college I started to try and change some things. I helped start a fraternity. I continued to hold my promise of never getting drunk. I talked to girls more. I actually took a weight training class! However, once the class was over I stopped going to the gym… Girls wouldn’t go out with me (some still thought I was creepy)… I continued to be a loner even though I was part of a brotherhood.
I chose to continue the path that history had laid for me. I developed another character that was depressed. When I acted sad, people were there for me. When I acted depressed, people did stuff for me like throw a birthday party for me. I would go between this depressed character and an overly confident character to try and eliminate the depressed one. They constantly fought for control over me.
I met Michelle. I continued to portray this “character” of a confident, artistic musician… And it worked! I started to show someone the real me. I still hid behind a character from time to time. The depressed Isaac would come out at the most inopportune times. The overly confident Isaac was overbearing at times. I was once again torn. Michelle stayed by my side though.
For many, it would have been easy to just let things continue on their path. To choose to allow history to continue its path that was layed out.
My history though, thankfully, is not my destiny.
As I wrote in another entry (Love, the #1 Motivator), after several years I started to get the big picture. I proposed. She said yes. I started to love myself again… and I mean really love myself. I still had these characters that I would hide behind from time to time but not again… NEVER again.
I became Isaac. Isaac had a very strong ethical and moral character… I just needed to start the transformation of making the inside Isaac the ENTIRE Isaac.
I knew to do this I wouldn’t be able to take any breaks… I knew I would have to crank the intensity up to 11. I knew I would have to show all my faults, my villains, my weaknesses… and I would have to smack each one in their face. I knew I had to get up off the couch… and start moving…
I spoke with a friend of mine, who is a professional wrestler, and a group of friends about this transformation I wanted to make. I started referring to it as “The Alpha Male Challenge” but in one comment I made online it all changed and clicked. One of these friends.. wait.. let’s call it what they really are to me.. what this FAMILY challenged me to do was to never stop until I achieved my goals and I replied back “oh you know that ain’t gonna happen! I ain’t evah gonna stop!”
All of these events have chipped away at me to help reveal the real me. Those villains I mentioned above? They helped define the core foundation of me. I would not be a victim to these villains… I would be a hero to defend people against these villains. A hero though is not somebody that always rushes in to save the day. They serve as a source of hope… of inspiration.. and motivation. Think of Superman, his greatest power is not his laser vision or flight or super strength… his greatest power is how he inspires people to do better. Even if I never fully meet my goals… if I can serve as a source of inspiration to somebody.. be a positive influence in somebody’s life… then I can say that I have accomplished what I wanted to do.
So there it is. That’s Isaac more or less. Do I still have that childhood dream of being a wrestler? Yeah it would be awesome if I could get in the ring at least once or twice and have a match.. to say I did live out my childhood dream. Maybe that’s something I can look at once I complete my transformation. The biggest thing that has changed about me though is that instead of trying to hide behind a wrestler character or person… I now look at some of these wrestlers and at the PERSON who portrays the characters as sources of motivation. Over the next few weeks I plan on writing about each one and how these people have helped motivate me in humility and positivity, faith, family, love, and transformation. Some of them may surprise you. Others may not.